If you are in Shanghai these days, chances are you are getting wet. Maybe you have a sweet deluxe umbrella, like the light-up model we talked about before. But if you are still using one of those little subway-stop specials, you had better get real, and gear up.

You can type in any word into Taobao and come up with sweet treasure. Today my word is ‘tactical’ and it has led me to learn about 5.11 Tactical brand products.

I got no clue.  I guess my tactics for not getting wet involve staying out of the damn rain. Maybe Taobao can provide some deeper insight about how to use this.

Tactic 1: use it to escort honeys to safety

For best results, deploy when it’s not actually raining.

Tactic 2: use it during a gunfight with some friendly dudes

Look out! They might have water pistols. Are you convinced that this is the umbrella for you? Act now and stay dry.

5.11 Tactical Umbrella – 50rmb

Puddles: China’s Hidden Threat

Hey Rockstar. I see you walking into the office with those wet feet. Damn! Looks like it got all the way up to your knees! 

Yeah, hidden puddles can be pretty ruthless. And China’s constant construction and relaxed attitude towards Warning signs, means that new hidden puddles can emerge at any time, only to suck your favorite shoes down. And what are you gonna do when they’re all wet? It’s not like they will dry on their own – not in the humid seasons.  

If those Chinese brand rain boots are not your thing, you should at least pick up one of these cheap little shoe dryers. 

The hidden magic of these things comes in the winter, when you start using them even when your shoes aren’t that wet. Like a blanket fresh from the dryer, your shoes get toasty warm, giving you a good first step out the door in the morning. 

Shoe dryers are one of these products that are super easy to make, and therefore they come cheap, and in a huge variety of styles. If you are all business, go with these Robocop-inspired models:

These one have inspired me to restart my DIY robot obsession. This is going to be a breakdancing model, built from the feet up.

Shoe dryers – 10rmb and up

Rain boots are totally fashion

I’m a speed walker. Got these long legs that help me fly past most Chinese pedestrians. That means I gotta make my own walking lanes to avoid getting stuck behind the masses. But on rainy days, I pay a price for my speed. In particular, there’s always this one sidewalk panel that, when stepped on, kicks water up on my shoes. 

That’s why I’m gonna pick up some of these rain boots. Not only will I be impervious to rogue sidewalk panels, I’ll also be able to go right through deep puddles, as my fellow pedestrians line up to use the high ground. 

M.assolato’s ‘Slippery When Wet’ Boots - 188rmb

As usual, the girls dominate the market, with thousands of different jealousy-inspiring styles. I’m pretty liberal when it comes to stealing girl fashion, but you can really only do that with a few things: sunglasses,  cute panties, etc…  My big feet are not likely to squeeze into a pair of these.

But let’s take a look anyways. If there are any girl readers out there (and I doubt it) pay attention – this is one of the few Field Guides for you!

Mazzolato means “beaten to death” in Italian. But “M.assolato” is a super cute brand of Chinese rainboots. 

M.assolato’s Grey/Orange Tree Boots - 259rmb

M.assolato’s Union Jack Rain Boots – 188rmb

Joycorn is another good choice. It means “happy corn.”

Joycorn Plaid Rain Boots – 238rmb

Joycorn has nice models. 

Joycorn Plaid Rain Boots – 128rmb

Okay, now I’m in my refractory period, and all out of writing energy. Better quit before I develop a full-on fetish. Next time, we go deep undercover in the dangerous world of cute girl panties! Oww!

Prepare for Rain

Whenever it rains in Shanghai, local entrepreneurs get a box of umbrellas and hit the streets, posting up at subway exits and office building doors. And they are cheap – 10 or 15 rmb. They are great – ensuring that you never stuck out in the rain.

But if you rely too heavily on that public safety net of cheap umbrellas, you will be stuck with a shelf full of shabby nylon and sharp, rusty aluminum. It’s a better idea to prepare ahead and get a couple nice umbrellas too.

When I was a kid, I would have cut off my right hand Luke Skywalker-style to get something like this. This LED umbrella is 100 times better than the lightsaber toy I had as a kid. When you get it, resist the urge to start swinging it around in battle…

…or go ahead give in to the urge – they’re only 80rmb.

(Don’t forget to make lightsaber noises.)

Besides the obvious role playing benefits, the light can actually serve a practical purpose.  For example, it makes it much easier to meet up with someone. Or it can be a flashlight on those dark rainy nights, in the dark areas around your building.

Maybe you just want everyone to see how good you look! However, if you look all jacked up, you can also turn the light off and go incognito until it’s time for your next lightsaber duel.

Lightsaber Umbrella – About 80rmb

With Additional Handle Flashlight – 98rmb