Thanksgiving is saved!

Hey kids – no need to sacrifice your holiday festivities this year. I got your’ emergency Thanksgiving plan, guaranteed to maintain 100% Thanksgiving cheer.  What do we need? Turkey and cranberry sauce.

The Destination

Cranberries are not native to this land, and so the Chinese very accurately call it turkey sauce 火鸡酱. Or occasionally turkey juice 火鸡汁 They come about 25rmb per can.

First off, if you are not into cooking but still want Thanksgiving, you can call up your local City Shop and get a cooked bird delivered to your door for about 600-1000rmb. But if you are cheap or possessive about how your turkey gets cooked, there are some interesting candidates on Taobao.

Beijing or anywhere: My buddy Norbest here is an easy choice. It should be about 6 kilos and costs an even 365rmb with delivery included in Beijing.

Tianjin or anywhere: Other birds are decided by weight. This Jennie-O turkey is 42rmb per kilo, and shipping charges are also based on a per-kilo rate. Best to just contact the seller and let them know how big you need and where you are to get an exact price.

Henan or anywhere: Now let’s get down to business. My grandpappy wouldn’t eat any turkey that he didn’t meet first. That’s why this year I am going with a live bird. This new Taobao shop has no confirmed feedback and a lot of weird animal products in its catalog, including live turkeys. I am not sure how I will get it in from Henan, but at only 18rmb per kilo (shipping included) I think that I can’t lose.

Not only can you get a turkey for thanksgiving, but also a goose for Christmas, and even an ostrich for New Year’s. And there is something that looks like an opossum. Let’s save that for Valentine’s.

Thanks Trinh for the tip on the turkeys, and Ambassador Fredo for the tip on the live animals.

Field Reporter Kathiasya sits in today to bring us her terrifying Taobao discoveries. Many thanks to her for the report, which gave me the creepiest feeling of titillation I have ever felt. If you have some strange businesses to share with The Field Guide, let us know!

I was searching for a novel Halloween costume idea that didn’t involve fake blood, fangs and bedsheets.  An idea which I’m not about to share with you because I am aiming to win best-dressed in some category somewhere.

However, I will share with you my discoveries of the Bobo Head look which would make an awesome if not fearsome concept!

Well I don’t know either. Though I suspect somewhere in Chinese pop culture someone mispronounced a bob hair cut and called it a Bobo.

What’s so scary about a bob you then ask?

Nothing…until you pair it with a doll face of course! Then you look like a deranged Blythe doll ready to eat children for breakfast.

Hello! I am harmless.

Hello, my name is Kawaii Ieatchu.

I am lost for words.

So if you are looking for an original costume idea, try the deranged Blythe doll look a.k.a Bobo Head look this Halloween.

假发 Bobo

My New Halloween Strategy

I fail at Halloween nearly every year. Not this year. Let me clue you into my secret costume that is going to blow everybody away.

This meticulously reproduced Chinese astronaut costume is only 1500rmb. And it comes with a 5-year guarantee. That means that I am set for 5 years of Halloweens! Blast off!

Here are some other Halloween strategies that you may wish to deploy.

Sexy cosplay costumes are huge on Taobao. Just search cos and you will find a huge treasure trove of semi-pornographic material. Finally, with Halloween here, I have an excuse to write about it. At the mild end, there are cute little outfits like this for only 88rmb. At the wild end, there is a bunch of stuff too hot for TFG. Recommended browsing.

If you wanna get a little sexier, try this flight attendant costume.

If you are a female and don’t want to show off too much, but still wants to show some Halloween spirit, how about one of these Halloween tees. They are 86rmb.

For Dudes

Sorry Dudes. Don’t even try to go as an astronaut because that is spoken for, so don’t even try. Unless you want to get really embarrassed because my costume looks so awesome because I spent 1500rmb on it and yours is lame because you are much more poor. Here are some ways to avoid embarrassment.

Pirates are always welcome additions to any party. Make the scene like this rockstar and never stop talking like a pirate for the whole party. Arrrrrrg!

Where did he get that killer pirate pose?

Taobao’s Halloween Costumes For Kids

If you are a kid, not only do you have a totally sweet life full of candy and cartoons, but you also get the best Halloween costumes. Hula Kid here wins my vote for best costume. It is simple and lively. And only 15rmb!

Hula Kid is best for kids that are a little bit chubby. If your kid is skinny, I suggest buying this Zorro costume. While your kid might be all “who is Zorro?”  They will not refuse this rad costume.

That kid is stone cold.

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