This guy is ex-PLA. And he is building an army of robot supersoldiers.

The Iron Legend workshop in the Southern city of Huizhou is quietly assembling an army of killer robots, to be deployed nationally to protect strategically significant locations. We take a photo tour.

This is the boss. He is ex-PLA. A metal-working wizard, building unstoppable killbots.

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This is what he is working on. Fierce.

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Much like how Tony Stark created the first version of his Iron Man suit out of scrap parts, the Iron Legend workshop uses scrap parts to build its supersoldiers. Once they become sentient, the robots tend to freak out when they see this room.

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This guy is a supersoldier robot counselor. In charge of molding their fragile psyches into stable, responsible killers.

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This robot is one of his breakthroughs. In 2007 he crushed a whole village on a bloodthirsty rampage, but today is rehabilitated and protects the workshop itself.

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A new breed of robot supersoldier cat, ready for deployment.

Protecting a strategically significant trade show.

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Protecting strategically significant cute girls.

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This robot was deployed to protect the strategically significant Kunming KFC.

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Look at this thing! It must be built for a special purpose.

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Yes of course. Protecting a strategically significant IMAX.

(You can buy this tank for 320,000rmb)

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You can also pick up a mini supersoldier model for your desktop. Just be sure to stay on it’s good side. Oil it every day. Feed it plenty of paperclips.

Giant metal beasts ~ 20,000-150,000rmb

Desktop models ~ 55-2,000rmb

iPhone!

I am pretty sure that iPhone is the most deluxe and awesome phone available today.  The iPhone Taobao app in particular is incredible – it offers an easy way to send the shop an SMS message to ask ‘where the heck is my stuff?’ So when the opportunity came up to buy the wife a new phone for Christmas, I hit Taobao in search of the best deal. Here is what I found!

As of the time of writing (Jan 2012), the average price on an unlocked Hong Kong 16GB iPhone was 5500rmb ($874). That is a $220 markup from the original Hong Kong price! Hong Kong is out of stock on iPhone 4S, so you can’t buy one direct from Apple in HK.

The price fluctuates constantly, and you will see dozens of the top shops  making adjustments every day. Every shop offers many options, and each will get small adjustments according to stock and the market.

The Choices You’ll Face

• Hong Kong (港行 or 港版）Are the most desirable ones in China. Always unlocked.
• Korea (sometimes referred to as international 国际版). Also always unlocked. But somehow less desirable than the HK ones.
• USA and Canada can be locked or unlocked
• Chinese version will be officially launched in February 2012 or later

Locked (锁) Means you can’t just drop your sim card and go. You need to have a contract with an authorized service provider. If you want to go this route, don’t buy from Taobao. Visit a China Unicom office.

• Locked (有所)
• Unlocked (无锁)

Jailbreak (越狱) means adding excellent external apps that Apple doesn’t allow.  As of Jan 2012 cannot be done on iPhone 4 8GB, or any iPhone 4S. Only older iPhone 4 16GB and 32GB.

• Can jailbreak (可越狱)
• Can not jailbreak (不可越狱)

Activated (激活) means that it has not yet been turned on and registered. For unlocked phones, this is not a problem. It just means you need to insert your sim card and connect to iTunes to register.

• Activated (激活)
• Unactivated (未激活)

Most shops will offer to help you load your iPhone up with $500 worth of apps. If you do this, you will receive a package which has already been opened.  Otherwise, your box will be sealed and inactive, ready for you to break the factory-fresh seal. Many packages will also come with a little starter kit: a SIM card cutter, a screen protector and a crappy case.

Given the high costs of the iPhone 4S, I decided to buy a pre-jailbroken iPhone 4 for my wife.  She is happy. This is a big purchase so if you do buy from Taobao, make sure you have the consult of a Chinese friend. And if you do buy from Taobao, buy through this link and TFG gets some love!

iPhone 4S on Taobao

Instructions for use:

1. Drag this link to your bookmarks bar: Taobao
2. Click it to quickly search Taobao from any website, anywhere, anytime. It’s awesome.

You might know about bookmarklets. Tiny helpers that live in your bookmarks, ready to jump into action. They are little life-changers.

This one helps you get your Taobao action done faster, and earns TFG a small percentage every time you buy something through that search box. And it’s no cost to you. You get fast and cool Taobao search, with a translation booster. We get a little reward from Jack Ma, which we put right back into buying awesome stuff! =)

Call of Duty, the current king of video games, has just shown the next iteration in the series: Modern Warfare 3.  It also has been announced that Call of Duty would soon make its official debut in China with subscription plans estimated to earn $100m in its first year.

China already loves Call of Duty, and here is proof.  This Taobao shop creates replicas of Call of Duty’s ‘Task Force 141′ tactical jacket, as popularized by the character named Ghost.  Very similar to the way that the Bruce Lee’s megashop creates homage clothing.  These Modern Warfare fans have recreated Ghost’s outfit with a wide variety of sizes and options. Cotton-or down-filled, in a variety of sizes, or even custom made. Because when you zipline into a terrorist-filled oil rig, you can’t risk getting snared up.

Every task force should have one hot chick.

A while back I announced that I was going to start using exclusively tactical products.  If you tour my apartment, which is in the upper deck of a Russian submarine, you will find tactical dining tables (made to kick over in case of gunfights) , tactical dinnerware (throwing knives only),  and tactical Snoopy throw pillows (love Snoopy!).  Of course, I don’t invite many guests.

How do you know if something is tactical or not? Having patches is a good clue.

Custom Call of Duty-inspired tactical jackets are a special treat only afforded to us by the magic of Taobao. Enjoy it!

Need to let the world know that you are a fan of the 140 character language known as Twitter? You like cool t-shirts telling the world that you can appreciate a good pun?

It’s For You

Well then I have found the product for you.

This Twitter t-shirt will tell the world I am on Twitter and please follow me, I am an attention whore.

On That Note

Please follow us on Twitter PLEASE!!!

Sweet Tweet Tee ~ 45rmb

You can’t be an Internet king without being connected

Jack Ma, king of Taobao and Alibaba, and our personal hero recently jumped on board Weibo. Ma is a subject of fascination. A entrepreneurial and internet hero, Ma’s biography is a best seller.  So far, more than one week in, he has stuck with his Weibo habit. His posts are long (for Weibo posts) and meditative, with topics like: “Zen and the art of environmental conservation.”

From May 29:

There was a dream I had when I was a child. Travel around the world. I would be eating breakfast in Rome, lunch in London, and dinner in Paris, then I would have evening stroll around the Eiffel tower. My friends all said, “There’s a giant toad that wants to eat you!” I would then run around all day scared of the frogs and my dream would never come true. I would then think to myself,” Why do toads always want to eat me? Frog hearts are delicious maybe be bird’s eat the frogs to become “Invincible.” Swans have long neck over their thighs and feet bigger than their head. They are like aliens from another world. . . Why do they eat frogs? “ Riiiibbbbiiiitttt!

If you are interested in what he has to say, check him out (Weibo account required.)

http://weibo.com/mayun

Taobaotopia?

I have, for a long time, imagined a Taobaotopia. A world where online shopping has drastically reduced the need for retail brick-and-mortars. Less demand for retail real estate means cheaper office and housing space. Or more space for parks. Swimming pools. Unicorns.

But now, Taobao has thrown my world into a tailspin by opening a giant showroom. Not an online showroom, but a real, physical showroom. Has my Taobaotopia gone wrong?

The Taobao furniture showroom: a half an Ikea

It turns out, Taobao understands me better than I understand myself. One of the few real-world places that I still shop is Ikea. But it is always a half-nasty experience.

The crowds are terrible, and can be especially dangerous when you introduce shopping carts full of curtain rods and overstuffed bags of pillows.. Making the journey from the showroom to the warehouse is like descending into the dark pits of hell. And the weekend checkout lines are a disaster. Would you like it delivered? A second checkout line awaits!

The Taobao Furniture Showroom promises to scrub all that by putting transaction Online where it can be handled cleanly. Taobao, you have done it again!

Apart from the pack-it-flat, build-it-yourself principle, one of Ikea’s big efficiency innovations was to let customers find their own stuff in their big warehouse. But that part always sucks, as does the negotiation with the SUV drivers waiting outside Ikea.

Time to give it a try

I say it is time we head on over to Taobao’s 25,000-square-meter Beijing mall. This mall displays 22,000 items from over 300 suppliers. Orders and payment only take place online. Taobao says it plans to open similar showrooms in other major Chinese cities.

Wait until Dino Beach sees me in this!

Being a season pass holder to Shanghai’s Dino Beach 热带风暴 water park, I am in my bathing suit all summer long. And long ago I shed my baggy American board shorts in favor of the Chinese Speedo. I mean, I don’t want to look uptight in front of everybody.

Problem is, certain areas of my body seem… uptight in my Speedo. Save your cold water jokes. This is no laughing matter.

Ask for the cup size you’d like to be

Are you an expat in China who still wears your baggy board shorts to go swimming? You might as well wear a T-shirt while you are at it, Mr. Shy!

Shed your old fashion habits and embrace the modern Chinese swimsuit. Just be sure to give yourself this secret advantage.

Buy it on Taobao, the judgement free zone.

I have saved up all my Taobao VIP points…

I have saved up all my Taobao VIP points, and am thinking about what to buy. Being the Taobao Master Numero Uno, I have millions and millions of points, which can be used on most purchases to give me a cute little discount. And I think I know what I will spend them on. Will I be the first person in history to use a coupon on his purchase of a Lamborghini? Probably. But I won’t tell that to all the chicks I pick up. I’ll tell them that I paid extra, because paying extra is cool.

Millions and Millions

Don’t have millions of VIP points? You will have to pay cash. Prices range is between 4.5 million rmb and 6.9 million rmb.  They haven’t sold one yet (not in the official Taobao system, anyways) and probably never will.  It’s not exactly about that. Lamborghini is another in the long line of big brands to realize that to exist in the minds of the Chinese consumer, you need to be on Taobao.

Lamborghini~6888000rmb

iPad 2 is out!

You might have heard about the huge iPad 2 launch in China. The one that had created massive lines in Shanghai and Beijing, and even an incident of laowai rage. The lines were reported to be mostly made up of scalpers, capitalizing on the certain scarcity of this hot item. So what kind of profits do the scalpers get for waiting in this line for hours and hours?

This is what my PTSD nighmares look like

I am happy to report that there is no scarcity on Taobao. If you want an iPad 2, you will pay about a 300rmb premium over the list price for the cheapest model, an 8% margin.  Apple’s mainland China MSRP on the 16GB model without 3G coverage is 3688rmb, compared to 3998rmb on Taobao.  (You can also get a Hong Kong model for slightly cheaper: 3820rmb.)

Rich and impatient

This iPad hoarding is a dirty twist on supply and demand.  But it seems to be working out, as the biggest shops sell them by the hundreds. I could sidestep these scoundrels by waiting until the official Apple store has fresh stock. But I am a rich SOB, and an impatient one. And you know what else? I’m worth it.